13 Paternoster Row

all-four-cheekbones:

ALRIGHTY THEN ANON, LET’S DO THIS.

What is Steam Powered Giraffe? I think a more important question is: what isn’t Steam Powered Giraffe?

For example: this joke. Which is ending right now.

Steam Powered Giraffe is a band. They’re a pantomime troupe. They’re an experience. They’re a way of life.

They’re a bunch of absolute dorks from San Diego who paint themselves up to look like robots and sing songs about demonic suspenders and human/airplane hybrids. They’re all on Tumblr, tracking their tags, trolling the fanbase, being total sweethearts, and they have a fortuitous addiction to livestreaming everything.

Adventurer roll call!

• DAVID MICHAEL BENNETT

David is an extremely responsible and mature adult who definitely does not shriek like an 8-year-old when told to take off his cape and stop pretending to be a superhero. At the same time, he’s sort of like the fandom’s cranky and overprotective grandfather, reminding us to eat healthy food and get off of Tumblr and go outside and admonishing his bandmates when they do unthinkable things like swear on the internet. He is Patient Zero for SPG’s Instagram infection and still insists he has legitimate reasons for so many shirtless photos of himself. He portrays the Spine, a silver automaton with a voice like a chocolate earthquake and who takes his silliness very seriously. To enjoy some the Spine, I recommend Automatonic Electronic Harmonics or Me and My Baby.

• BUNNY BENNETT

You’re gonna fall in love with her. Shhh, don’t protest, just let it happen. Bunny is David’s evil twin. I know it’s hard to see. Just trust me on this one. She draws the SPG webcomic and has a deviantART page, and if you’re lucky, you might catch her streaming her art. If you see mention of Christopher Bennett, don’t panic—there are still only two Bennett twins, you don’t have to keep tabs on a third one. That’s still her. Her hobbies include trolling the fandom and changing Rabbit’s makeup. Rabbit, by the by, is a copper automaton who suffers frequent glitches and has an unhealthy fondness for kitchen appliances. He needs constant supervision and is not safe with pets. To hear Rabbit, check Brass Goggles (and there’s a recent video too!). Or Honeybee, if you’re prepared to spend the next few days spontaneously bursting into tears.

• SAM LUKE

This is the person who David is usually telling not to swear. He is simultaneously the cutest and sassiest thing on two legs. He’s got his solo stuff on bandcamp, and he’s another artist! Seriously, this band never runs out of talent. He used to be the drummer, but now he portrays the fabulous Hatchworth. You will never master drawing his adorable face. It’s okay, we all suffer. And if you thought Sam was sassy, wait till you see this guy. For Hatchy’s glorious introduction, you should catch Hatch Fever.

• MICHAEL PHILIP REED

AKA Merker the Lurker. You can see him in the background on most songs, playing keyboard or guitar or banjo or sometimes drums or basically any instrument you put in his hands, it’s ridiculous. His hobbies include trolling, commenting on all the posts, shipping himself with Steve, and being the font of positivity that never runs dry. Put “get a hug from Michael Reed” on your bucket list. I don’t care if you don’t even like the band, just do it. The major song he sings lead on is Make Believe, but he’s also got a SoundCloud with a couple of his solo songs, and a Youtube channel that’s, uh, special.

• MATT SMITH with eyebrows

Not the one you’re thinking of. This one’s a rad dude who plays drums for the band, and hot damn is he good at it. He tends to show up in pictures of Michael Reed looking extremely concerned (because that is the natural reaction to spending too much time with Michael Reed). He’s still kinda new to the band, but like everyone else who touches the perfection that is Steam Powered Giraffe, he’s mad talented, super nice, and good looking to boot. And he sings harmonies on Prelude to a Dream/Make Believe, but I’m having trouble finding a good video of it, so just take my word that he’s got a hell of a voice.

• STEVE NEGRETE

Dreadlocked badass. The kind of Totally Not A Dork who plays with lightsabers, practices parkour, goes to ren faires in full armor, runs the band’s occasional DnD sessions, and makes regular videos of a small crocheted version of himself. Which, y’know, in any other band, the Lil Steve videos would make him the weird one. He’s the Sound Engineer, which means he’s the one who makes sure the band always sounds great by doing all their live mixing and cuing various effects.

OTHER IMPORTANT PERSONAGES

• WALTER GIRLS

Paige and Brianna are Bunny’s and David’s girlfriends, respectively. Paige sells Mary Kay, if (non-robot) makeup is your thing, and is responsible for getting Bunny hooked on Doctor Who, so thank her for that. Brianna generally keeps David in line and keeps everyone stocked up on adorable kittens. Carolina is the newest Walter Girl and has only been in a couple livestreams, so she’s the most mysterious of the lot, but I can tell you she’s every bit as wonderful as the others. These are the lovely ladies in amazing labcoat-esque dresses and blue goggles selling you delightful things at shows. They also help the band handle merchandizing when they’re back home. When your merch arrives with a little heart on the envelope, thank a Walter Girl. 

• GEEKSHOT PHOTOGRAPHY

Beth and James Riley. These guys take the best photos and videos of the band. As per SPG law, they are also attractive and friendly. They’re now selling gorgeous 8.5 x 11 prints of some of their best and most popular photos so you can have something shiny for the band to sign. Or just plaster your wall with it.

PAST MEMBERS

• JON SPRAGUE

Left the band in September 2012 because Steam Powered Giraffe is a seriously high-commitment endeavor, and Jon… isn’t. He’s still out and about, making art and music and generally being an untamed thing. He’s close friends with Michael Reed, and some of the San Diego fans keep tabs on him, so ask around if you want to know what he’s up to. He played the Jon, a childlike brass gold brassold robot who doesn’t always know when something is just a story. He brought the band a little Ju Ju Magic.

• ERIN BURKE

Left the band in January 2011 to pursue her acting career. Portrayed the pink robot Upgrade, whose personality mostly consisted of “I’m a pretty pretty princess.” She was one of the founding members, but it’s hard to find good footage of her, because she left while the band was still mostly in the “busking at the park” stage.

Bonus: The Jon/Upgrade 2x Combo! (be sure to watch carefully for Michael Reed and Steve Negrete).

…That should just about do it. Now you’re ready to tune into the SPG Hour, become an Engineer-eteer, join the Cavalcadium, or just make an intro post on the tag.

(via digitalsunlight)

10th-man-down:

gallifrey-feels:

i-have-been-johnlocked:

m-chi:

It’s time to take your medicine Amy

#reality

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOFUCKYOU

nOPE

No!

(via kazaholic)

night-panda:

zombiesandporn:

I know one person who wouldnt like the season finale 

I bet Ten would’ve been a bit conflicted as well… Well maybe not as much.

(via revivalsword)